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Answering
Machine
A
is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So leave a message.
Hi. Now you say something.
Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
(From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to,
If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy"
message I call sooner!
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name
and number and they will get back to you. |
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This
is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device.
After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a
number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
let the machine get it.
Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but
the phone is.
Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's
gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life
sucks.
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken
CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't
even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner.
Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone
'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep,
and you can be sure it's in the bag.
Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not
programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey
will get back to you as soon as possible .
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin,
and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my
owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to
me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here
comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their
picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and
they will get back to you.
(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you
were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.(TA-DAAAAA!)
the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back
to you as soon as we can..
(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered,
trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and
shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary
telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".
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answering machine
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