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Answering
Machine
Thank
you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on
your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2
on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3
on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't
do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes
us feel like we have a big time phone system.
(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you
want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to
leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial
your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave
your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension
4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your
number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in
a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP. |
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Hi,
you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect
a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and
hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting
charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press
3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
(or)
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name
and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding
debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.
(After a power outage:) Hi, this is Ralph. The
good news is that my power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is
my answering machine. So, leave a message.
(Start, low pitch, slow:) Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy...
(Middle, normal:) ...home of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike. Nobody's
home... (Later, high pitch, fast:) ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen...(End,
incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish:).kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP.
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG...
Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist
tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets
you wish to sell .
Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number
of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council
of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics,
Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples
of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the
Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the
Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin
B Squash Team. But hey, call me Mike .
(US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh,
hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer
the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean,
he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after
the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.
You're
growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy
now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist
suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled
to leave your name, number, and a message.
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answering machine
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