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Answering
Machine
Hello,
you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't
pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left
to right....real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done
brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
This answering machine has been connected to a 5,000 volt power
supply that has been wired to this small kitten (pathetic mewing).
If you don't leave a message, Fluffy here gets it. The choice is
yours.
Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me
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(Narrator's
voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone
rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper,
with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds!
Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The
bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
"Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you
hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing
frequency seven, do you want it on screen?" (silence...beep)
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help
me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be
famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since
you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.
A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler
in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the
future....
I can't come to the phone right now because I'm
down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills.
If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork,
please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the
tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this
message.
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now,
so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly
about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the
following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back
to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music
of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus
72....
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System.
This is only a test.
>>more answering
machine
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