Author details
All Billy Connolly Quotes
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
Billy Connolly
81% of people like this quote
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Billy Connolly
74% of people like this quote
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
63% of people like this quote
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly in
Marriage
61% of people like this quote
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.
Billy Connolly
57% of people like this quote
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
Billy Connolly
56% of people like this quote
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
55% of people like this quote
I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
Billy Connolly
54% of people like this quote
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
Billy Connolly
53% of people like this quote
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
Billy Connolly
51% of people like this quote
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
51% of people like this quote
I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly
50% of people like this quote
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
Billy Connolly
49% of people like this quote
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
Billy Connolly
48% of people like this quote
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