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All Conan O'Brien Quotes
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity.
Conan O'Brien
74% of people like this quote
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.
Conan O'Brien
60% of people like this quote
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.
Conan O'Brien
57% of people like this quote
President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.
Conan O'Brien
57% of people like this quote
Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.'
Conan O'Brien
57% of people like this quote
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.
Conan O'Brien
57% of people like this quote
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.
Conan O'Brien
57% of people like this quote
Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years.
Conan O'Brien
56% of people like this quote
Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood.
Conan O'Brien
54% of people like this quote
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Conan O'Brien
53% of people like this quote
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'
Conan O'Brien
52% of people like this quote
Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.
Conan O'Brien
52% of people like this quote
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
Conan O'Brien
51% of people like this quote
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'
Conan O'Brien
50% of people like this quote
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