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All Dave Barry Quotes
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Dave Barry
81% of people like this quote
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry in
Funny
80% of people like this quote
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Dave Barry
69% of people like this quote
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barry
65% of people like this quote
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
Dave Barry
62% of people like this quote
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry
60% of people like this quote
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
60% of people like this quote
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Dave Barry
60% of people like this quote
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
Dave Barry
59% of people like this quote
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry
59% of people like this quote
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
Dave Barry
58% of people like this quote
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry
58% of people like this quote
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
Dave Barry
58% of people like this quote
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Dave Barry
58% of people like this quote
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