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All David Letterman Quotes
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
David Letterman
63% of people like this quote
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
David Letterman
60% of people like this quote
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
David Letterman
58% of people like this quote
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman
58% of people like this quote
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman
57% of people like this quote
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman
56% of people like this quote
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
David Letterman
56% of people like this quote
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
David Letterman
56% of people like this quote
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
David Letterman
56% of people like this quote
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
David Letterman
55% of people like this quote
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
David Letterman
55% of people like this quote
It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
David Letterman
54% of people like this quote
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
David Letterman
54% of people like this quote
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
David Letterman
54% of people like this quote
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
David Letterman
53% of people like this quote
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