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All Erma Bombeck Quotes
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck in
Dreams
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Erma Bombeck
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck
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I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Erma Bombeck
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck in
Success
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
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