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All Erma Bombeck Quotes
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
Erma Bombeck
52% of people like this quote
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck
52% of people like this quote
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck
52% of people like this quote
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
51% of people like this quote
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck
51% of people like this quote
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
51% of people like this quote
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
51% of people like this quote
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck
51% of people like this quote
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
Erma Bombeck
50% of people like this quote
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Erma Bombeck
50% of people like this quote
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Erma Bombeck
50% of people like this quote
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
50% of people like this quote
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
Erma Bombeck
50% of people like this quote
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
Erma Bombeck
49% of people like this quote
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