All George Carlin Quotes
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin in
Funny
88% of people like this quote
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
88% of people like this quote
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
78% of people like this quote
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
77% of people like this quote
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin
73% of people like this quote
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin in
Funny
69% of people like this quote
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
George Carlin
68% of people like this quote
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
67% of people like this quote
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
66% of people like this quote
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
63% of people like this quote
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
63% of people like this quote
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
61% of people like this quote
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
60% of people like this quote
Related authors