All George Carlin Quotes
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
61% of people like this quote
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
60% of people like this quote
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
60% of people like this quote
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
59% of people like this quote
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
59% of people like this quote
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
58% of people like this quote
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
57% of people like this quote
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
George Carlin
57% of people like this quote
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
57% of people like this quote
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
George Carlin
56% of people like this quote
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin
56% of people like this quote
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
56% of people like this quote
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
55% of people like this quote
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
55% of people like this quote
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin
54% of people like this quote
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