All George Carlin Quotes
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin
54% of people like this quote
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
54% of people like this quote
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
54% of people like this quote
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
George Carlin
53% of people like this quote
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
53% of people like this quote
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
53% of people like this quote
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
52% of people like this quote
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
52% of people like this quote
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
George Carlin
51% of people like this quote
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
50% of people like this quote
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
50% of people like this quote
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
50% of people like this quote
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
49% of people like this quote
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