All Henny Youngman Quotes
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman in
Marriage
71% of people like this quote
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
Henny Youngman
63% of people like this quote
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
60% of people like this quote
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
58% of people like this quote
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
58% of people like this quote
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
Henny Youngman
58% of people like this quote
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Henny Youngman
57% of people like this quote
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
Henny Youngman
57% of people like this quote
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Henny Youngman
55% of people like this quote
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
55% of people like this quote
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Henny Youngman
54% of people like this quote
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