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All Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld
83% of people like this quote
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld
62% of people like this quote
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
59% of people like this quote
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
56% of people like this quote
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld
55% of people like this quote
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld
53% of people like this quote
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
53% of people like this quote
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
50% of people like this quote
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
50% of people like this quote
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
48% of people like this quote
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
47% of people like this quote
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld
47% of people like this quote
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry Seinfeld
45% of people like this quote
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
Jerry Seinfeld
43% of people like this quote
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