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All Joan Rivers Quotes
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers in
Art
79% of people like this quote
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
60% of people like this quote
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
57% of people like this quote
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
56% of people like this quote
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
56% of people like this quote
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
56% of people like this quote
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
55% of people like this quote
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
55% of people like this quote
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
55% of people like this quote
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