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All Phyllis Diller Quotes
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller
58% of people like this quote
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
57% of people like this quote
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
56% of people like this quote
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
55% of people like this quote
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
55% of people like this quote
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
55% of people like this quote
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