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All Phyllis Diller Quotes
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
52% of people like this quote
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
52% of people like this quote
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller
51% of people like this quote
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
51% of people like this quote
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
51% of people like this quote
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
50% of people like this quote
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
50% of people like this quote
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller
50% of people like this quote
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Phyllis Diller
49% of people like this quote
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
48% of people like this quote
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