All Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
91% of people like this quote
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield in
Funny
87% of people like this quote
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield in
Sports
86% of people like this quote
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
73% of people like this quote
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
68% of people like this quote
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
67% of people like this quote
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Rodney Dangerfield
65% of people like this quote
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
62% of people like this quote
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
59% of people like this quote
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
59% of people like this quote
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
59% of people like this quote
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
59% of people like this quote
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
59% of people like this quote
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
58% of people like this quote
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