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All Steven Wright Quotes
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
56% of people like this quote
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
56% of people like this quote
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright
56% of people like this quote
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
56% of people like this quote
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
Steven Wright
55% of people like this quote
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Steven Wright
55% of people like this quote
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
55% of people like this quote
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
55% of people like this quote
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
55% of people like this quote
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