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All Steven Wright Quotes
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
Steven Wright
52% of people like this quote
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
51% of people like this quote
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
51% of people like this quote
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
51% of people like this quote
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
51% of people like this quote
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
50% of people like this quote
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