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All Woody Allen Quotes
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Woody Allen
50% of people like this quote
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
50% of people like this quote
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
50% of people like this quote
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
48% of people like this quote
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
48% of people like this quote
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody Allen
48% of people like this quote
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
48% of people like this quote
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
47% of people like this quote
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen
47% of people like this quote
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
Woody Allen
46% of people like this quote
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
45% of people like this quote
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
43% of people like this quote
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