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Random Comedian Quotes

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Tim Vine

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Sarah Silverman

Everybody wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes.

Werner Finck

It's hard for anybody who's been with me not to feel starved for affection when I'm making love to my ideas. Maybe it's not meant for me to settle down and be married.

Jim Carrey

Sophistication might be described as the ability to cope gracefully with a situation involving the presence of a formidable menace to one's poise and prestige (such as the butler, or the man under the bed - but never the husband).

James Thurber

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields

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