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All Funny Quotes
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips 
91% of people like this quote
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
87% of people like this quote
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
87% of people like this quote
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
87% of people like this quote
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
86% of people like this quote
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
86% of people like this quote