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More » All Funny Quotes
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin 
82% of people like this quote
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright 
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright 
81% of people like this quote
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke 
80% of people like this quote
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres 
80% of people like this quote
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns 
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I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn 
80% of people like this quote
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant 
80% of people like this quote
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings 
80% of people like this quote

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