“If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
Lewis Grizzard 
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The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.
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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Lewis Grizzard
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