“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
Other Mitch Hedberg Quotes
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Mitch Hedberg 
92% of people like this quote
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
86% of people like this quote
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Mitch Hedberg
86% of people like this quote
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Mitch Hedberg
73% of people like this quote