“You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.”
Other Mitch Hedberg Quotes
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Mitch Hedberg 
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
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My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
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I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Mitch Hedberg
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