Forget the Joneses. I can't keep up with the Simpsons.
Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2.
For Sale: Taliban rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
* Elayne Boosler
Dont hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful!
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!
Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
Smile, everyone loves a moron.
My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!
My computer NEVER cras...DOH!.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?
Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.
My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!.
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?


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