"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce."
--Don Quinn.
"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.".
"The decision is maybe and that's final!"
"Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.".
"Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.".
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."
"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"
--Seinfeld.
"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.".
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.".
The trick to flying is throwing yourself at the floor and missing.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
"We are the suckiest bunch of suckers that ever sucked!"
- Homer Simpson.
She is not old … just well marinated.
-Heinlein.
For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Mental backup in progress-Do Not Disturb!.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met..
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely..
The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
FACT: No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program..
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts..
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity..




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